Do you want to feel wanted? This isn’t a love song and we shouldn’t pretend it is. We’ll only end up with a false sense of reality and we’ll be blinded to the reality that comes next:
If you want to feel wanted, make yourself wanted.
Let us look at my favorite approach. Common sense. First, wanted in the negative sense. Why do police “want” somebody? Well, because it’s likely they’ve committed some heinous act. The police want to take this person off the street, out of society and put them where they belong. The criminal remains wanted, but for all the wrong reasons.
Now, let’s take a peek at that new car you want. Why do you want it? Good advertising, good marketing, perhaps. It’s highly likely that you wouldn’t even be considering that new car unless there was a reason for it. It could be because you need more space and a bigger car. Perhaps you are downsizing to a more fuel-efficient car. Maybe you have a clunker in need of too much work. These are all reasons to want a car. Even if your reason is a bit embellished, you probably didn’t just wake up one morning with no reason and decide you wanted a car.
The new cell phone? It’s shiny. Yours is slowly slowing down, resetting randomly, freezing up, and disobeying your every type. You want a new cell phone. Look at what those others can do! They’re shinier, they are faster, they can even do that weird thing you’d love to see it do! You want a new cell phone because it will offer you some happiness and tangible value.
Now let’s look at people. Specifically, people who say that they want to feel wanted.
Professionally, some people like to feel wanted. It gives them a sense of importance. This is not a bad thing. The idea is that we are wanted for the right reasons. Hopefully, because you are warm, welcoming, a hard-working and dedicated employee, and more. I believe it’s why some people can’t handle the fame and success of being a celebrity. For some time people want them. People want to watch their movies and shows, digest their music, and what have you. Then, the hype is gone (to some degree). They are no longer wanted. Whatever will I do with myself? Some people can channel and focus on the right things, but some cannot.
Some parents feel wanted. After years of raising children, their own go out into the real world. They get jobs, move out, find a partner, get married, have children, and become quite independent. It doesn’t mean that fathering or mothering has stopped, but it’s certainly not to the degree of when they felt necessary and wanted. Some parents can adapt to this ever-changing role easily, but others struggle when losing this sense of necessity, and rightfully so.
Now let us look at relationships.
Relationships start because two people “want” each other. It’s tough to get to first base if an attraction is not present, so clearly people present themselves in a manner that others would find them desirable; others see them and want them. Beyond that, there could have been an infectious (or perhaps “good enough”) personality. Some people look great, open their mouths, and the world runs. With good looks and a personality, people will want you. There’s more to relationships than this, I get it, but it’s a good start. But let’s see the opposite.
For the folks who couldn’t get a relationship, keep a relationship, or maintain a healthy relationship, why not? There may be several factors involved, but I’ll talk about wanting the wrong things here. It’s like the criminal who is wanted for the wrong reason. To be clear, this can apply to women and men.
Self-respect is non-existent in many instances.
You present yourself nicely and make yourself attractive. Step one is there. When it comes to personality, however, there is a front. Some people act mindless and flighty on purpose, to act like they are “easy.” Some people display a different personality than they are all together. In instances where physical attraction is present and nothing further, a person is often wanted for one reason. (If you can’t figure out that one reason, I’ll say something by saying nothing here; trying to keep this G-rated.)
Now some people create an endless cycle of random hookups, boyfriends, and girlfriends, but are never really satisfied. Their self-respect continues missing, and this cycle goes on until the individual chooses to break it.
So, if you don’t feel wanted (and you’d like to), it’s up to you to make yourself wanted. Perhaps something needs changing. Maybe it’s physical. It could be mental or emotional. It can start from within. When you respect yourself, others will take you seriously and respect you more.
Don’t leave it to some country song. Don’t leave it to some romance novel or movie. Those same actors, authors, or singers are simply playing a part. They are trying to relate to you so you will watch, listen, and read, and they can make a living. They’re playing a part. Don’t fall for it. Love doesn’t happen like they say. It’s up to you, not them.